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Sex Lives Matter

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I’m 21 years old and I just saw my first dildo. Impossible, you say? Well, I say, fuck you!

Let me be perfectly clear about one thing. I’m not a prude. I just never really got around to exploring the darker sides of sex — whips, chains and fake dicks. My lack of sexual exploration had me curious, so I visited my first sex toy store recently.

As any newfound sexual deviant, I was shaking in my $25 gladiator sandals like a total basic bitch when I walked into the island of perverse toys.

Upon entering, several thoughts erected in my mind, like:
♥ This is huge!
♥ Can real penises even get that big?
♥ What if I see one of my professors here?
♥ What hole is that made for?
♥ I need to go to church this Sunday.
♥ Again, what hole is that made for?
♥ Maybe police would stop shooting innocent people if they could use these furry handcuffs all the time, instead.

After this initial penetration of dirty thoughts, I asked the store’s employee for some advice on navigating this sex store. She answered my embarrassing questions with ease — kind of like an experienced gentleman with a naive virgin — proving even the act of shopping at an adult store is comparable to the act of sex.

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Me: What types of people usually come to a store like this? Is it usually hookers, strippers and old men?
Her: I’ve seen every type of person in here, from couples looking to spice things up to grandmothers looking to rediscover their sexuality. There is really no average customer.

I was surprised by her answer because I thought any respectable woman bought her fake dick from Amazon.

Me: What would you recommend for a newbie in the self-pleasure game?
Her: A lot of women swear by tiny clit sensitizers called bullets. They may look small but they pack a big punch.

Me: Do you get more men than women in this store?
Her: We actually get our fair share of couples. Once you’re in a relationship, the sex can get boring and may need some excitement. For couples, sex swings are always fun. We’re not all about being promiscuous here. A lot of the products help people discover what they enjoy and in turn what their partner enjoys. Everybody deserves to experience the ultimate level of pleasure.

In that moment, I had a newfound respect for sex shops.

These adult stores are not just for the lonely bitch in a bathtub surrounded by candles or the creepy janitor on campus who always says good morning to my tits. Sex emporiums are actually empowering. They encourage people to feel their best and get to know their sexual partners on a more intimate level.

Don’t be afraid to embrace your sexual desires, girls.

Don’t detest the dildo.

Take a bullet for the team. After all, #SexLivesMatter

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Say hello to the iCar? Volkswagen turns to Apple for help making electric cars

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By Andreas Cremer

Volkswagen is looking at Apple products for guidance on how to style its new generation of electric cars, its top designer said, as the automaker aims to turn profits on battery-powered vehicles when they launch in 2020.

The U.S. tech giant has brought about a design aesthetic with its iPhone and iPad that set it apart from rivals such as Samsung Electronics Co Ltd; and Sony Corp and helped make it the most valuable company in the world.

For Europe’s biggest automaker, adopting simplicity as the guiding principle for future styling of electric vehicles (EVs) marks a departure from the era before its 2015 “dieselgate” emissions scandal, when vehicle design conveyed the German group’s engineering prowess and technological ambitions.

“We are currently redefining the Volkswagen values for the age of electrification,” Klaus Bischoff, head of VW brand design, said in an interview. “What’s at stake is to be as significant, purist and clear as possible and also to visualize a completely new architecture.”

With regulators slashing emissions on a fast timetable, dieselgate has also energized the costly shift to EVs that is necessary to compete in China, VW’s largest market, and to avoid future fines in Europe.

Previously a laggard on electrification, VW has pledged 34 billion euros ($42.45 billion) of investment in EVs, self-driving technology and digital mobility businesses across the group by 2022.

The core namesake brand alone will spend 6 billion euros on a new modular platform dubbed MEB designed to underpin over 20 purely battery-powered models such as the I.D. hatchback, I.D. Crozz crossover and the I.D. Buzz microbus.

Bischoff said VW will use the Geneva auto show on March 5-7 to give early guidance on what the post-I.D. generation of EVs might look like, but declined to elaborate.

Bischoff belongs to VW’s old guard, having worked a quarter of a century in VW’s design operations and the past decade as head of the core brand’s design.

He became famous through a video shot at the 2011 Frankfurt auto show that has since drawn over 2 million hits on YouTube.

It showed Bischoff being yelled at by former CEO Martin Winterkorn, who was inspecting a model by South Korean rival Hyundai and had discovered something that had displeased him.

“In the past everything was very centralized, very narrow boundaries were set on the road of success,” Bischoff said. “Today is the most exciting time of my career because I’m allowed to do things that didn’t use to exist that way.”

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‘People would die for Olympic medal, I nearly did’

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Canada’s Mark McMorris described his comeback from life-threatening injuries to the podium at the Pyeongchang Olympics as a “miracle” and said inspiring others with his story was worth more than the slopestyle bronze he won on Sunday.

Snowboarding near his home in British Columbia with his brother Craig in March, McMorris caught an edge as he took off for a jump and spiraled into a tree.

Feb 11, 2018; Pyeongchang, South Korea; Mark Mcmorris (CAN) competes in the snowboard slopestyle during the Pyeongchang 2018 Olympic Winter Games at Phoenix Snow Park. Mandatory Credit: Guy Rhodes-USA TODAY Sports

He broke his jaw and left arm, ruptured his spleen, suffered a pelvic fracture, rib fractures and a collapsed lung.

“People would die for a medal at the Olympics and I nearly did,” he said on Monday, a day after his medal-winning run at the Phoenix Snow Park.

“It’s definitely a miracle and I’m really thankful… to be able to motivate and inspire others – that’s bigger than any medal, right?”

Feb 11, 2018; Pyeongchang, South Korea; Mark Mcmorris (CAN) reacts after his run in the snowboard slopestyle during the Pyeongchang 2018 Olympic Winter Games at Phoenix Snow Park. Mandatory Credit: Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

Feb 11, 2018; Pyeongchang, South Korea; Silver medalist Max Parrot (CAN), left, gold medalist Redmond Gerard (USA) and bronze medalist Mark McMorris (CAN) celebrate their victories in the snowboard slopestyle event during the medals ceremony in the Pyeongchang 2018 Olympic Winter Games at Medals Plaza. Mandatory Credit: Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports

McMorris’ remarkable comeback drew praise from Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, who tweeted: “What a journey back to the podium for @MarkMcMorris. Mark – your tenacity and courage inspire so many of us.”

McMorris tweeted two photographs on Monday, one of him in the hospital following his crash and the other on the medal podium. They were accompanied by a caption: “Thank You Life.”

The Canadian could add yet another chapter to his success story before the end of the Games, as McMorris is seen as a gold medal contender in the new Olympic discipline of Big Air.

(Reporting by Shrivathsa Sridhar in Bengaluru; editing by Sudipto Ganguly)

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Tokyo elementary school is so EXTRA AF with Armani uniforms for students

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A public elementary school in Tokyo’s upscale shopping district of Ginza has raised parents’ eyebrows with a plan to adopt uniforms designed by Italian fashion brand Giorgio Armani for its students, media said on Thursday.

Taimei Elementary School is introducing the uniforms for incoming pupils, each costing more than 80,000 yen ($729), including optional items, or more than three times as much as current ones, the Huffington Post said.

Armani’s Japan head office, located in Ginza, is just 200 meters (219 yards) away from the grade school.

“I was surprised, and wondered why such luxury brand-designed uniforms have been picked for a public elementary school,” an unnamed mother was quoted by the Huffington Post as saying.

“I’m worried that a wrong notion that something expensive is good and something cheap is bad could be imprinted on children,” said the woman, whose child is set to start at the school in April, when a new school year begins.

In a letter to parents last November, headmaster Toshitsugu Wada said Taimei was a landmark in Ginza, and the decision to adopt the Armani-designed uniforms aimed at creating an atmosphere suitable for such a school, the Huffington Post said.

Taimei officials were not immediately available for comment, but Wada posted a statement on the school’s home page, promising to provide sufficient explanation on the plan for new uniforms.

“With humility, I take the criticism that explanation has been insufficient and not well-timed. I will go on explaining carefully to those concerned.”

(Reporting by Kiyoshi TakenakaEditing by Clarence Fernandez)

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