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Dane Cook really enjoys getting smoothies with his 19-year-old bae

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If you were in college in the mid-2000s, you’re likely familiar with Dane Cook. He was basically a comedy God. His Retaliation album was the soundtrack to countless dorm room power hours. Cook was only the second comic ever to sell out Madison Square Garden. He hosted Saturday Night Live twice. He was Rolling Stone’s Hot Comic of the Year in ’06. And his 20-city Tourgasm college tour was a 9-episode HBO doc.

So, what happened to the man responsible for getting young people through the second Bush era? Is he stuck in a prison in Tijuana? Did he transition and change his name to Kate McKinnon? Is he trapped forever in Wal-Mart’s $5 movie bin, only to be seen again when re-watching Good Luck Chuck? All good questions — but all WRONG. The 45-year-old is spending time with his 19-year-old girlfriend that everyone on the internet is going crazy over.

Her name is Kelsi Taylor, and she’s stunning. The couple has apparently been dating for about one year, according to TMZ, and they’ve been sharing their cutest moments on Instagram the entire time.

Wait, it gets even cuter.

They enjoy getting healthy smoothies together.

Apparently, it’s their thing.

But they also know how to feast, and make you feel like shit for being single in the process.

We’re just happy that Dane Cook is still alive.

And kicking. 

And in love.

And watching movies in 3-D with his beautiful girlfriend who isn’t old enough to drink until 2019.

If you’re unaware of why this man deserves all the love in the world, get schooled and watch:

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First Look at Epic Trailer For Elton John Biopic ‘Rocketman’

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There are moments in a rockstar’s life that define who he is. The movie “Rocketman,” about the life of Elton John, will take audiences to some of those moments in summer 2019.

The film’s star, Taron Egerton, tweeted before the trailer was dropped to say that he was looking forward to people seeing it, adding: “Words cannot describe how proud and excited I am.”

That’s because the trailer is fucking brilliant. Check it out.

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Kanye West Wants To Arrange Meeting Between Kaepernick and Trump

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WARNING: Kanye West has a new album to promote, so expect BIZARRE behavior.

Kanye West’s new album, “Yhandi,” was promised to drop during his Sept. 29 appearance on the season premiere of “Saturday Night Live.” That didn’t happen. Instead, the release date was changed to Nov. 23, a.k.a., Black Friday. In less than 48 hours, his outlandish conduct has included: controversy over wanting to abolish the 13th Amendment (which ended slavery), the filming of a music video in the grass by the parking lot outside of TMZ’s HQ, and announcing he’s trying to organize a meeting between Colin Kaepernick and President Donald Trump. More bat-shit craziness is likely to come.

Trump has been extremely critical of Kaepernick, strongly pressuring NFL owners to fire all of the “sons of bitches” who don’t stand for the national anthem.

But West wants to bring them together. During an interview Monday on “TMZ Live,” West said he’s reached out to Kaepernick to try to make that happen. Unless you’ve been trapped in human trafficking circles, you likely know Kaepernick was under intense scrutiny from Trump after kneeling during the national anthem at football games to shine a light on police brutality against black people.

He didn’t say if either side was open to the idea, but Trump has praised West for being a brilliant leader.

Meanwhile, Kim:

On a positive note, West did premiere a new song on “Saturday Night Live” that might just be his best song this decade. Check it out:

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Cardi B Turned Herself Into Police After Strip Club Fight

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Cardi B turned herself in to New York Police police at the 109th Precinct in Queens Monday morning over charges stemming from a fight at a strip club.

Sources told TMZ that Cardi B has “long-standing beef” with a bartender at the club, with whom she allegedly started the fight. The rapper was at Angels Strip Club back in Aug. 2018 to watch her husband, Offset, perform with Migos on the night of the incident, and she allegedly told her crew to attack the women with bottles and chairs after rumors swirled that one of them had slept with Offset.

The new mom was involved in another fight recently. In September, Cardi B was left with a welt on her head after she was involved in an altercation with Nicki Minaj at a New York Fashion Week party.

Joe Tacopina, the attorney representing the two female bartenders, released a statement to CNN stating: “Cardi B ordered and committed violent assaults against my clients, and is being called to justice for her crimes. Apparently, she thinks her celebrity status puts her above the law, since she has bragged to multiple people and on social media that she orchestrated these vicious attacks,” Tacopina said. “But reality is setting in, as justice does not care whether her name is Cardi B or Carly B, and she will now answer for her crimes.”
“We’re aware of no evidence that she caused anybody any harm on that night,” Jeff Kern, an attorney representing Cardi B told press outside the police precinct. “We expect that the matter is going to be resolved expeditiously.”

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